Blog 13. for diary of an alt-pop mother.
When you’ve worn jeggings for three weeks straight (basically since the day I finally succumbed and bought them ) well…it really is a hassle when you go to the loo and have to actually unbutton AND unzip your jeans.
Should have worn them again today. Luckily today is not one of those days. Where everything is a hassle : the key not opening the door - hassle, there being no milk - hassle, someone asking you a question - hassle, somebody exsisting in the same room as you - hassle. Sometimes I would say it goes beyond hassle when getting the kids ready to be able to catch the bus on time is causing me a nervous breakdown, when it really isn’t that important.
My little sister Sunshine has a famous story attached to her. In fact she gained a kind of legendary status amongst us seven sisters with it. Dad was telling us off for everything under the sun in the motorhome one day (where we lived at the time) and she said dryly
“And stop that INCESSANT breathing”. The room went silent. Brave girl.
If Dad was shouting this was not something any of us had dared try before : Humour.
But it worked. He laughed! Well, she lives to tell the tale so I can only assume he did, ‘cos I can’t quite remember, but the fact that it is also told as a funny (not tragic) story - is also a good sign.
Ben tries humour with me too! HA ha! It doesn’t usually work. Ha ha! Especially if I’m hassled, ha ha! Which is when he mostly tries it.
If Becca is shouting - humour is unlikely to work. But he persists. And good on him - every now and then it works, and I like the idea of it, reeally. It is his most honed helping-in-times-of-stress skill. The other ones are catching up, like…
“Oh darling, you look stressed can I give you a shoulder rub?” (actually that is a QUESTION - best for him to just do it, not ask or it will be hassling me)
“Yeah I can see why you feel that way, man that’s alot to carry.” (hehe) Now - he needs to be careful what wording he uses here - because if he was to say “You’re carrying a lot” I could feel defensive because it could sound to me like he’s blaming me for carrying it in the first place, when I perhaps don’t need to, and yes that may be true but in that moment I don’t want to hear it because I just want plain unadulterated understanding. But if he says (like I’ve suggested above) ‘that’s alot to carry’ — it sounds like he thinks it is indeed alot and that he too would find it hard too. This is key. It’s really what we want to hear, wrong or rightly. To be seen as ‘normal’, for it is comforting and helpful to feel Normal - for it to be ‘fair enough’ — to not be a freak.
That’s all we want to hear boys, that is all.
But there are other options also, I suppose, when a wife is stressed, please do let me go on:
“Is there anything I can do to help?” this question, I am not sure, has ever been asked. Maybe it is because of my obvious aversion to questions when I am hassled? Oh dear, I’ve shot myself in the foot there.
Probably best just to say “Ha don’t worry about THAT you silly ol’ thing let’s just watch telly!!!” Works for me. My eyes shine with glee and all the worries of the day just fall away. Plus it’s permission to not have to work or create music now that the kids are in bed, YAY ME! I love you Ben!!!
(Bad and naughty attitude oh missy who says she is a singer “Oh I am a singer oh yes this and that, blah blah blah, I write songs, oh yeah of course oh yes it’s so great, one day you should like totally come over and have a JAM session, oh yes I love jamming, oh yes music is just so great, like all the time, oh hahahaaaa” (sounds of general fun in background etc)
Last night we watched the documentary “Searching for Sugar man”.
The bricklayer who works with Rodrigouz, the hero of the story, said that he (Rodrigouz the singer/songwriter) would turn up to work to demolish a house - in a tuxedo. But the thing is he wasn’t putting him down. He went on to celebrate him and artists in general, saying they present in such a way as to rise above mediocrity, to fight it, and that it is the artist’s role in society, to - in his words - "cut through the bullshit".
We’ve all had the experience of a song, film or piece of art cutting right through all our layers right into that visceral part of us - causing us to suddenly cry, laugh, get angry, or even dance and ‘let it all go’. My friend once threw a book across the room when he’d finished it because he was so angry with the ending. He cared. It taps into a place that cares. Helps us feel again.
Some artists are driven politically, some are focused on finding beauty, or the funny side or the ugliness or a way of describing pain. I see the artists’ role and driving force across the board is to capture the essence of things or the truth somehow, to reveal and cause a reaction. Whatever drives each artist - this man, this bricklayer feels that theyare integral to society. How refreshing!!! Tell that to some of our politicians! I have never heard someone speak so highly of artists like this, it is all often seen as Diva or Ego or Shallow, and sometimes it is a bit, but this man saw that his tuxedo donned demolition, bricklaying colleague Rodrigouz - approached everything in his life with the same importance and with the same intent - with trying to be true to who he is and to the impact he can have on those around him (including us watching his story) causing change and hope and inspiration. Wow I have really let my game slip! Let myself go! Jeggings!!!!? Look at the state of me! For crying out loud, I need an artiste admirer’s pep talk too! JEGGINGS!!! What was I thinking??? I hang my head in shame.
But they do have a cool tiny white flower pattern on them. They are also quite a tight fit so they are sure to be admired by bricklayers. Have I missed the point?
This was a hard day for me, as I’m sure any of you fellow Jegging wearers would understand.
I thought this email was nice when it came in to my inbox, it is a London gig guide - with my sister (vuvuvultures) and us on the same page, such fun! It kind of fits in (only just) with this particular blog, but it’s some ‘artists’ playing all over London, trying their hand at the strange game. I’d like to say that The Drones were indeed playing in London that night as advertised, but sadly this was not so, we even went to SEE them with tickets in hand to find out that there is another band called The Drones. Not as good. Bit of a shame.
the moment Ben said “Dog-gone it - why don’t we just watch telly!”
I have no good explanation in place for you, re the hats, sorry. About to watch a western? Our new artiste look? Think it’s been done before. seeya. x