Blog no 8. for diary of an alt pop mother. (Starting off with a bit of prose.)
A Bath, after Paris. Rebecca Boucher Burns
Tonight I let the bath drain out around me while I stayed there
and as it did - a weight became apparent
my legs and back bone lay heavy on the bath’s hard shell
heavy, so heavy
the water that was holding me had left
and I was no longer floating
when something is gone
you see clearly how much it was giving you
carrying for you
my heart beat still loudly from the hot water once there
a cool breeze came through the window onto my warm skin, cooling me
I lay there in the dark
and I thought -
Paris let me float for a bit
and for this, I am so thankful.
I have realised something.
That a holiday gives me the same thing that a dinner party does or a day out at a river or in the country - or seeing a band or a film or a play - it gives me pause.
It puts on hold - all things.
My sense of needing to achieve, my mulling over what life is all about, my own dishes, my own wondering what to do today.
I guess it distracts me from all this by being so interesting, so consuming, fun, warm, unusual or unexpected. Sometimes these moments ‘away’ consume us by their own challenges but still they are a diversion, a pause from our own life, our own thoughts, frustrations, ideas, or our on-going norm.
And I know I need that.
Sometimes there is no connection with the norm in these times and sometimes these times connect with our old tired thoughts in a refreshing way - without using our own energy - in a way we couldn’t come up with ourselves.
When our family (my sisters and parents etc) are altogether we, actually, naturally tend to just ‘hang out’ together, not talking about our lives, our careers, our cares, even if we haven’t seen each other for years! Instead we just sit, play cards, drink tea. And I really like this too. It too feeds. I like to share the journey and to talk too, and I do that naturally, but I enjoy
from questions about what I’m doing with my life. Are you going to send the kids to school? What did you do this week? Questions stress me out!! I can’t answer factually without the experience of those facts sneaking in. I am incapable of doing this for example:
"How are you?"
(Me) “Fine thanks”
"What you been up to?"
(Me) “Not much”
"Fine"!!! "Not much" !!! Whoah those words trigger way too much for me to use them as a flippant reply! And I just feel so obliged to tell the whole truth and nothing but!
As a big arty family I think perhaps we’ve always been asked alot of questions also. So it’s a kind of ‘being asked things’ disorder. he he. Wow I’m gonna be terrible at promoting my film when it’s finally done “Huh? Whatevs, Seven sisters, yeah yeah, big f*&%en deal, blah blah”. Heck, the reason I made the documentary was so we could all say “Go see the film dude”.
When my family have gone, I miss them.
And when it’s felt light like that - I want it to keep going.
In the past it upset and concerned me that life would all come rushing back in as soon as I left a friend’s house, arrived home. When it was over. Facing another Monday.
But I think it might be ok.
I just think it might be why these things need to happen. Why - art, food, parties, treks, ‘other’ jobs aswell as our main career, adventures, games of cards and leaving our house, opening up our house or however interrupting our routine - needs to happen.
To give our brains and hearts a break. To bring us out of our own, real, but limited, worlds.
(totally try the ‘bath draining out while you are still in it’ thing) xx
The film about my sisters I’m making - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAv7Z-9CRM0
PHOTO - Ben and I on the Love Padlock Bridge in Paris last month. My sister Angelle’s husband rode with mine (Ben) from London to Paris! Us wives were so proud. ah. (We went via train and met them there).
And below is a video of us playing our song “Different to me”’ - just ‘cos this is meant to be a music blog after all and also ‘cos the lyrics refer to a Paris trip we did many years ago - (our first time there) and it was a true visiting Paris as a couple so the pressure is on to have a great, romantic time - experience - so… we had a massive heart wrenching ‘discussion’ and realised our great expectations of each other and impact on each other and actually how similar we were. So it’s ironic that this song is called ‘different to me’ rather than ‘similar to me’. But really, that would not make a very good lyric now would it. Enjoy. xx